T H E C O L O R S O F M Y S O U L

Birthday Celebrations

2009-03-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

i had two celebrations for my birthday. one was during the day itself and one was today, the 29th. i'm not going to spazz about the experiences but i would just like to say that i'm sad that yayoh and ate chai weren't able to make it. T_T i miss them both. and i was really looking forward to seeing them again.

i just wanted to share some pictures. ^_^

our class refer's to pam as fish... she sometimes thinks that she's nemo. lol. so she was really excited when i told her that there's an ice cream in the shape of a fish. xD

sssssh~! blind item~!

xDD bianca and i just had the urge to take the photos. xD

aaannnnnnd~

the pretty little things i got!

yes, they are ALL chained onto my cellphone cover. i love each and everyone that i couldn't just choose. so i put all of them. <3

ok. just a little extra. this is the back of our thesis card - prior to adviser grading + the final grade.

our adviser gave us a 1.00, and our final grade is 1.00. wooot. thesis = 1.00~!

2009-03-26T01:45:00.000-07:00

it was an experiment. to see what would happen if i kept quiet. and i guess it backfired because it so happened that there were days, most of them, we wouldn't talk at all. no hello or even goodbye whatsoever.

i felt like i was forcing myself into a friendship with her, and i had no idea if it was still appropriate. so i stopped. i stopped in a way that i was still there - around - that she only had to click on my name on her messenger window to talk to me.

but it backfired.

what do you do when your future is uncertain?

2009-03-17T06:13:00.000-07:00

i had just found out that my best friend won't be graduating with us - the rest of the class. she had incurred a failing on one of our senior subjects. it's a major subject since every course we're taking this year are all for majors.

the professors who failed graduating students were invited to a deliberations today, our professor was one of them. the coordinator of our program as well as another high ranking professor talked him into passing my classmate, but he stayed firm. he denied her 2.8 points and it means that she will be behind by one semester.

she had planned to go to law school, had taken a number of qualifying exams in different universities. but then, what is she supposed to do now?

but she's taking everything pretty well. she's able to laugh, even though we all know that she's dying inside. i don't know what to tell her, that's why i'm writing this entry. i don't know how to say things like i'm sorry i couldn't help you, or that i'm so guilty because i will be graduating.

it's funny, our group, including her, was able to get a 1.00 grade for our thesis2. we have highest grade for the thesis, but she isn't graduating.

right now, i'm also confused, and i'm devastated. how am i supposed to celebrate my birthday now? i was planning on going out with them - her and two other close friends - but will it be alright?

2009-03-16T11:14:00.001-07:00

I have had a heart to heart talk with my dorm-mate, one night, she asks me about what happened to me – and her. And I can only look at her, shrug, and heave a sigh.

It was my fault.

But even though I admit it, to her, to myself, I still can’t just reach out and say sorry. Why?

Because I got hurt, too. And as of this moment, I still am hurting.

It’s my fault, yes. It’s my own doing that I’m suffering, but, I guess, I want understanding. And I want to see that this suffering – the sacrifices I’ve made are worth it. I don’t want to give up because to me it’ll be as if I’m throwing everything I’ve done away. And I don’t want that. I’ve hurt too much for that.

I can still remember – vividly – those times when I’m riding the jeepney to school and one thought of her flashes into my head and the next thing I know, tears are already running down my cheeks. I tell myself that I don’t want that. Fuck, it’s so pathetic. But I couldn’t stop, and as days pass, I still can’t stop.

Because I still love her. And I doubt that I’ll grow out of it any time soon.

My friend then tells me to let go. Just let go and be happy. I’m graduating and I have to be mature – enough to face the real world and to leave the past behind. But she also said that I have to make peace.

I have to make peace.

I want that. Oh-so much.

And then my friend murmured, but it’s hard because you love her. You can’t let go because you love her and you’re hurting.

God, she has made me cry with that. And all I can do is nod. Because it’s the truth.

Then talk to her. Tell her how you feel. How jealous you were. How –

I can’t.

It’s an even bigger truth.

Ask her if she loves you.

I can’t.

Because you are afraid. You don’t want to face the reality.

No, I don’t.

It isn’t a crime, right? I can’t ask because I’m afraid of what her answer may be. I can’t talk to her because I’m afraid of her reactions. I can’t look at her because I’m ashamed. That I looked up to myself… and that brought me nothing but pain.

So yes. I’m afraid. Because I do not know of what I will do – how I will think afterwards. I’m afraid of the outcome. I’m afraid to lose her even though I’ve told myself over and over that I can be without her. I’m afraid that I’m the only one who loved. I’m afraid to learn that she was happier with life without me when I thought of her everyday. I’m afraid that when I tell her the reason why I distanced myself from her, she will hate me. I’m afraid to tell her that I’m possessive as hell, and I am so jealous of everyone else. I’m afraid that after everything – I am no longer worthy of her love and friendship.

I’m not reaching for an eternal friendship. I’m not pining for peace with her. What I want now is to have peace of mind. I want all these tears to stop and go away. And I want to be able to smile at her if ever we get to bump into each other.

I am selfish. But I know that I should also stop thinking about myself only and think of how others might feel.

I want her to be happy. I really do.

First post.

2009-03-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

phew. it's finally finished. i had a hard time with this one. T_T

i wasn't even able to make the banner work. oh well. i don't need it.

so, what's the reason for this new blog?

i have spent a long time pondering and mulling things over. and i figured, hate... i don't do that. i don't hate, because i am no one. i am not supposed to feel that kind of emotion. maybe it's a front? a way for me to hide what is real from what is not. but the fact stays, hatred is too much. and it's destructive, not only the one feeling it, but also those others who are involved, even in the tiniest of sense.

so i took it off. and posted this one up. this is still my old blog, i just did some things to erase what is past.

i am graduating soon, and i hope that this will be a new start for me - with a clean slate and no worries.

well, with all that said, welcome~!

ps. the title i got from a clazziquai song, color your soul. xD

WARLOCKANGELS.

2009-01-13T09:28:00.000-08:00

So, I was thinking of bringing WARLOCKANGELS back to life. LOL. Not the novel, no, but, this time, in the form of a game. RPG. Like Aveyond and Ragnarok and the like.

I might use Dan. xD well, of course I'm going to use her. Hmmm... but I'm going to change her name. Danie. Lolz, lame, but at least it's different than mine. eeep.

I'm soooo excited, I'm already writing the plot of the game. And the characters and stuff. Please hope the best for me?

Let's all cross our fingers. O____o

2009-01-09T04:52:00.001-08:00

why the hell did i do that?!
sh.it! fcuk.
now i'm scared and my heart is beating too fast.

2008-12-25T01:59:00.000-08:00

i'm so fcuking tired. i hate my uncle. and i hate christmas.
bow.

2008-12-05T07:51:00.000-08:00

-

Why am I so depressed?

-

I'm afraid.

2008-12-01T03:12:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt this way in a very, very long time. It was different, back then, when it was just about me and them, but, now, there's more to it. There are more people involved now. And what's worse, is that I'm afraid that we're going to come to the point that these new friends I've met and have learned to love would have to choose... and choose them.

I hope not.

Please.

2008-11-24T23:01:00.000-08:00

after everything that's happened, it still goes down to nothing else but this:

i just can't help but care.

no lies, no pun, just what i feel.

strange.

2008-11-11T09:01:00.000-08:00

my last semester in college will be very strange. i'm giving 3 reasons why.

1. NO MORE WEEKENDS. yesh. my weekends are now TUESDAYS and WEDNESDAYS and, hopefully, FRIDAYS too. i have classes and school works both during saturdays and sundays. yay. -_-

2. HECTIC SATURDAYS. dang. i never thought this is possible. my schedule for saturdays is 7-11am for PARTCOR/CORPO; 12nn-3pm for MANAGERIAL ACCTNG; 3-5pm for NEGO; and 5.30-8.30pm for PUB-AD. err... that's 13hours at school. seriously, i think the university is trying to kill us. T_T

3. MY 4-YEAR OLD CRUSH IS MY CLASSMATE. ehh. this one is the strangest of all. i mean, dang. he's my classmate in the most toxic class of all -- PUB-AD. not that the class is hard -- coz i wouldn't know just yet -- but because it's 3hour long... and at the very last of a very long school day. err. need i say more? oh, he didn't come to class last saturday. how did i know that he's in my class too? well... there are thing called class lists. lol.

Hmmm... if i die even before i graduate, you guys know what caused it. -_-

PS. we have a new motto, well me and my 3 closest classmates/friends. MARCH ON MARCH. bwahaha. basically, we just have to pass and graduate. >.<

PPS. we'll be launching MIRABILIA's second season soon. to those who know what this part means, i hope you'll be more supportive this time. thank you very much!

PPPS. err... i should really stop this. O_o lastly, i hope to change my layout soon. i'm sick of this dark one. i think i'm gonna opt for a brighter/livelier one.

Back.

2008-11-02T08:24:00.000-08:00

I'm back from a 3-day vacation in the province for All Saints' Day,
but instead of being refreshed... I think I'm more out of it now. And I did something that I'm starting to regret every second that passes.

Yes, I am afraid. I don't know what to do. I think it's driving me crazy now.

Stalker Mode.

2008-10-21T12:43:00.001-07:00

Yes. I am in stalker mode. lol. It's early in the morning... and here I am on refresh frenzy, once again. Ok. I am mainly stalking her and her fic. But the funny thing is... she has a hidden acount on the forum. But I can tell whether she is online. Err. I hope I am not freaking her out. O_O She should be proud. lol. coz I love her fic too much not to stalk. Ehh... I don't stalk her on Soompi. Haaha. Just in the other forum.

Hmmm... change of subject. We still aren't talking. I wonder what's happened to her... I hope nothing bad. T_T

I haven't written a word for my fics since 3 days ago. Ehhh... I wanted to finish my fic while I'm on break. Looks like that won't happen. Pfffft. Plus, I might go back to writing BL. Mmmm. But just the G-PG13 plots. God knows I can't write anything more than that. But... it really feels good to be back. Besides, I'm writing a straight fic. O_o

oh, well...

Looks like the author I'm stalking isn't gonna post tonight. T_T she will post the update later this morning... maybe at 8? When my internet is turned off. T_T

And then...

2008-10-19T09:58:00.000-07:00

here comes someone else who makes me feel like leaving him - them, her - is the better choice.

Friends...

2008-10-18T03:44:00.000-07:00

What's it with me and friends?

Wait.

Scratch that.

What is it with me and keeping friends?

I mean, am I that hard to be with? Are my mood swings that difficult to tolerate? How come everyone seems to just slip away? And without me knowing.

I try hard... whenever I meet someone new and decide that I want to be friends with that person. I know I'm hard to please but... I am not a monster!

Damn.

Why am I being like this.

It's alright.

If you want to leave, I guess I'm fine with it. But just tell me. Tell me so I can keep away from you and not bother you anymore. Don't put me through blocked YMs... I know how it feels already. Don't just go disappearing on me. Tell me that you don't want me in your life.

Just say it.

2008-10-16T03:55:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary.

I am...

2008-10-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

... missing people.

It's funny...

2008-10-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

It's funny that we run away from each other
when we can talk things out.

It's funny that we act as if nothing happened
when everything actually hurts.

It's funny that we say we love each other
when we aren't willing to show it.

It's funny that keep it a secret
when everyone knows about it.

It's funny that I cry about you
when you don't even care.

It's funny that you want to hide from me
when I don't even have to try to find you

It's funny that I imagine seeing you again
when I know that I would only run away

It's funny how I realize now that everything was just a joke.

2008-10-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

Gee's sis and I are both aliens! So what?!

2008-10-01T08:28:00.001-07:00

so, me and my 2 other groupmates for thesis went to another groupmates house. O_o coz that's the only place where we can all go to... or something like that. i was at the train station near their area at 8 (on the dot) am. while i was waiting for my 'carpool', i was reading a YUNGI fanfic. yes, that's YUNho+seulGI (for those who don't know). it's really cute. lol. and i didn't care that i was reading it on my mobile. and, well, i commented about jaejoong being kind of ghei in the fic. lol. although, it's the lovable, very caring kind. O_o

when we, finally, arrived at my classmate's house... and had settled down, raff suddenly made a comment which had 'jaejoong' on it. lol. and gee's sister was like 'jaejoong??? dbsk, dbsk???'

i was shocked. i looked at pb and asked her... why does she know dongbang?! OMFG.

but we acted like nothing happened. lol. for a while. until the kid played TRIANGLE on her PC. msdfndskjfbe. <333

and that's how i started talking to her. she'd only been a fan for 2months (while i've been in the fandom for a little more than 2years), and she can say doushite's whole japanese title. (don't stone me! i can't help it if i get tongue-tied!) anyway... so i shared my files to her... coz pb had everything i had in my laptop in her hard drive. cool huh? O_o

during dinner, she chose to eat with the three of us, me, raff, and gee (pb already went home). and we were still fangirling on dbsg (she's a yunho fan, btw). then she says this word: SHOUNEN AI. which made me gape at her. then she added this word: YAOI. which made me go crazy.

i asked up to what rating she had read... M. WTF?! she's 15! oh, well... it happens. lol. and she got excited when i told her that i knew a JAEHO (yes... she's a jae + yunho = jaeho fan... O_O) mpreg fic that i knew. lol.

i'm waiting for her invitation to lj. although, i think that she's gonna have to show me the most intense fic she's ever read. lol. i dont want to be the one to corrupt her mind. hahahah.

oh... and chris unnie sent me an sms earlier tonight, saying that our orders from YA had already been shipped out. oh, i really can't wait!

.....

2008-09-28T04:24:00.000-07:00

It was all my fault.

I was weak.

I was selfish.

I didn't keep in touch.

I was arrogant.

I was proud.

But...

- and may God forgive me, please -

I don't regret it.

Choosing.

2008-09-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

Yes. You have to choose.
I know you want it all, but this time you can't have both.

You gain one but you have to leave the other.
But you already have, how come you want it again?
Make up your mind.
You can't have everything.

Timeless.

2008-09-24T05:57:00.000-07:00

SUYIN IS SO FRIGGING REAL!

Look at Su's shirt!!!!

4th Album Showcase

2008-09-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

mirotic is win. definitely. totally. now i'm even more anxious for the album itself. i want to hear all the songs. i'm excited about junsu's.

i actually waited for the showcase... like all the fangirls in korea. the difference is, i'm inside our room, lying on my bed. i have been online the whole day and, by the looks of it, the whole night as well. i'm sick and i'm supposed to be sleeping earlier but the god's won't let me, at least not until i've downloaded everything there is to download tonight.

they have me more addicted to them than i ever was. mirotic... i guess the word also applies to me.

Greatest Sacrifice.

2008-09-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

My SCL9 professor asked the class: What is your greatest sacrifice for a friend or what is a friend's greatest sacrifice for you?

I stood up, took a deep breath, and did my best to stop the tears from falling.

"I am a burden to anyone who knows me. I know that and now matter how I try, I can't seem to change. I'm selfish and moody and sensitive, and I know that spending time with me or talking to me or putting up to me gets to be a chore. So a friend's greatest sacrifice for me is that that person accepts me even though I have not-so-lovable characteristics. Their sacrifice is staying with me.
But I want them to know that I am also the kind of person who is true to a friendship that I cherish. When we become friends, expect that I will be your friend until you don't want me to."

They almost cried.

Me, too.

I need help

2008-09-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

I may be over acting but... I think I need help.
I haven't been myself lately.
I forget easily.
I cry easily.

I cried twice today.
I don't even know why anymore.

Hyper

2008-09-13T08:06:00.001-07:00

lately, i shouldn't be left alone...

i get to think too much.

Blown Away

2008-09-12T04:00:00.001-07:00

The other day, I was able to read Nae unnie's LJ entry about her favorite fanfic writers. She only had a couple. SJFH's rasinah and... well, me. Okay, don't think that I'm conceited because I'm not. And I feel like I don't have the right to be anybody's favorite writer. Or to be called a writer, at that. But, like I told her, I really am thankful. Thank you, unnie! <3333

Last night - this morning actually - I finished the SuYin oneshot that I had been writing for almost 3weeks. That's way too long for a 7-paged story that isn't even good. Ahhh. Anyway, I decided to post it in 4 forums all in all. At Soompi, SJFH, Ficlics, and another unknown one. I posted it on SJFH first since Nae unnie had been waiting for it for weeks, then soompi, the ficlics, and the other forum. But I encountered trouble in that last forum. So I had to cut it in half. By the time that I was ready to see if I had replies, I tried soompi first, since I don't get replies at ficlics and I already read Nae unnie's.

There were 2 comments.

And they made me feel giddy.

When I got home this afternoon, I actually put off checking. I went to watch TV... and drooled over hot men. Haha. When I went back to the room and started the laptop, I quickly logged on to soompi. And there it was. Still first page (it's in the 2nd page now, though) with 17 replies. Okay I know that isn't much. But I only get up to 8. So don't blame me for being overly happy with 17.

So yeah. I got blown away today. And I miss my babies. T_T I wish they'd go online because I don't have any money to by prepaid credits.

2008-09-11T03:15:00.000-07:00

Why do I love thee?

Why?

2008-09-10T06:07:00.000-07:00

I am such a bad person.

Everything I do turns out wrong.

Everyone turns and leave.

Why am I such a bad person?

No expectations.

2008-09-03T23:38:00.000-07:00

Take a deep breath and click on the tab.

Smile.

It's the goodbye that you've been waiting for.

lesson in life.

2008-09-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

Forgive everybody everything

NOW...

- Tuesday's with Morrie

It's not as easy as that.

Happy Birthday Kim Jongwoon!

2008-08-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Yesungie!
I love you!

Oh, Happy Happy Day -- Night!

2008-08-22T18:18:00.000-07:00

so, yesterday, i went to gateway mall after lunch, to meet denji (my son) to give him something. we agreed to meet at lrt katipunan, somewhere near his school. but while i was walking towards the station, he suddenly calls to tell me not to get aboard the train coz he's coming to where i was. so i stayed put... and he arrived and left... it all went soooo fast... he was there barely 7 minutes. well, he still had to go back to school since he and his classmates had to do some studying for an exam today. the whole time... even on the phone, he called me omma. ^___^

then i went back to the mall... and sat at the food court to wait for another friend, the one i met the other day--night. i waited 2 hours or something. but it was alright... she was worth it. lol. beside, i was typing a fic on my phone... and i was talking to another friend through sms. he didn't know that i'd be accompanying him, the girl i was waiting for, and another friend to dinner. he's so shy... and immediately i came to like him. even though we didn't really have anything in common. O_o he like a suju guy that i hate... and hates a suju guy that i like... lol. he likes another band that i don't even know and doesn't like TVXQ... well... he doesn't really give a damn about them. just like we both don't really care about suju anymore. weird. hahahaha. but it's fun and interesting like that.

so the girl arrives and went missing. hahahah. when she comes back, we went to ayala together to meet the others. gerty was already there waiting for us. and we went to dinner...

dia unnie was there too. angel was the only one who knew that she'd be there. she's still very pretty. sigh. i still have a crush on her. hahaha. and we all talked... well except someone who refused to... O_o we kind of had a chance to share experiences again... since we hadn't talked and seen each other for a very long time. she asked so many questions... even ones that i wasn't ready or able to answer. i could only shrug and shake my head. but it was all good.

so yeah... one happy day--night.

I changed my mind.

2008-08-20T01:07:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to lend my blog to our group project... to advertise it. But last night, I realized that I don't want to. Not because i don't want to help but because I've done so much for it already. lol. Well, there's another reason for that.

Last night, I came home at 11pm. I went somewhere to meet a friend after school. It was the first time for us to meet... and I like her. I know she'd be reading this and she should know that I'm talking about her. lol.

I like her... a lot.

And we kind of had an agreement that I'm gonna be her omma. And the discussion we had about who her appa would be was hilarious. We couldn't decide. And the conversation went like... who do you want? ... you choose... and so on.

In the end we agreed on my first korean gasoo love.

I should be changing the layout... but I don't have time yet. T_T

Nevermind.

2008-08-10T04:11:00.000-07:00

I think it all went and boiled over. Like something that's been stewing for a long time. Everything just went and boiled over. It's not them. It's not her. It's me. Me and my emotions and my frustrations.

Yes. It's me. I won't try to blame anyone, anymore. It's too tiring and doesn't even make sense.

Change. It's the inevitable truth in the world. We all cannot hinder change. And it starts in us. We all change. Sometimes the results are not that good. But most of the time, change is for the better. I guess I should just be thankful for this change in my life.

It's not that it doesn't hurt anymore. It does, in fact. But, I know for a fact that the pain will stop. It will. And it'll be very soon.

I think the reason why it was so hard because it was her. Because at one point, my life almost revolved around her. Not Super Junior. Not the fandom. Her. I did everything I thought would please her. It turned out either it didn't, or she didn't notice.

I never told her that her action hurt me in ways more than one... I didn't want to hurt her. It was the last thing that I wanted to do. But things went out of control and I thought that maybe I should distance myself from her, not to alienate her from my life, but to see if I have a right to be in hers. If she wanted me.

She didn't.

And I can't be any more sorry.

I loved her.

No, I still do.

But I don't think that it's worth saving anymore.

I'm over it now.

I'm turning my back on everything.

I will be happy.

Goodbye.

New Layout.

2008-07-24T00:09:00.000-07:00

New Layout!
I was waiting for my sister to make it for me. lol. I had no idea how. And now we're using the same color. ORANGE. Because our new mobile phones are both black and orange... and my flash drive is the same color.

Here's a brief explanation for it (including the header).

I once read this article about a fiction writing workshop at school and at the end there was a quotation from one creative writing professor. "Hate is not the opposite of love, it is apathy (The Varsi)."

I wanted to show my current situation about somethings. Love had left my heart. But it still hadn't turn to apathy or indifference. I am still walking that fine line between the two.

Hate.

Hatred.

My earlier entries showed this. And I know that for some time it would be the content of this journal.

For some time.

Maybe just little longer.

They'd taken steps away from me and, although I can't say that I had as well, I had been trying to do the same.

I thought of another color to use. BLUE, since it's my favorite. But blue represents tranquility for me, it is calm and placid, while I am not.

Yoh~!

2008-07-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

I’m starting to forget.

I have never thought that I could. I’ve never believed that I would.

But now, with each passing day that I don’t see you or talk to you, I have grown stronger. I’m stronger in a way that I am no longer dependent on you, on your attention, on your love. With each passing day, I have grown to love myself more than I have ever loved you.

In my heart, I can still feel the pain. You were a bigger part of my life than you ever expected. Our separation has affected me in ways that I never thought it could. I still cry because of you. I still cry for you.

Soon, I know, the tears will eventually stop.

And when they do, I will be able to face you again. I’ll be able to look you in the eyes and tell you that you don’t hurt me anymore. I’ll tell you that I don’t love you but I don’t hate you either. You will just be another face in the book of my life; a past, a building block of my personality. You’ll be a memory.

My anger is now standing at the threshold of my heart. It is ready to leave, ready to give way and make room for another emotion. One that is, in every of the word, indifferent and unfeeling.

It's been a long time.

2008-07-20T02:32:00.000-07:00

I realized something... actually, I've known it for sometime now.

I've been blocked on YM. So I did the same. Such a shame though, I wasn't able to do it first.

And, one day, I'll b able to say it... like Jaejoong in So Much Mine.

"There is no more hate in my heart. It has moved out and its cousin apathy has moved in."

Things...

2008-07-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

I just want to make things clear.

I am not a JCER.

A surpise

2008-07-10T03:26:00.001-07:00

Well, it's not really a surprise but i consider it as one.

The other night, I came home with printed copies of CASSPH reg. forms. I gave Jae and Gerty one each so they can fill them up. While Jae casted her form aside, Gerty wrote her answers right then. And she isn't a BIG DongBnagShinGi fan... It was good though, at least I won't have to make her do it. lol.

P.S. Please God, don't let it happen. But if it does, I hope that I will be there, too.

Hanging by a thread

2008-07-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm hanging by a thread. As if I'm barely hanging on, actually.

I'm staying in the fandom because of only ONE thing. Every other reason is gone and, I just hope, that this thread that I'm holding onto won't snap in two. If it does, then I will have to say goodbye... permanently.

I am

2008-07-06T22:55:00.000-07:00

I will not rant.

I ~~should be~~ am happy.

ISAK DAY

2008-07-06T00:50:00.000-07:00

so, in the end, i wasn't able to see the show. i got to the manila film center right after. i cried because of that. i decided to go to class and then join them there. so i haad mixed emotions when i got there.

at least i didn't feel guilty for letting that get in the way of my schooling...

but i was asleep almost the whole time at school, anyway.

i just hope that gian got to be with us. but her professor just arrived when we were dismissed by ours. talk about luck.

i'm still happy though that i decided to continue on and join gerty and jae at the venue.

I GOT TO SEE ISAK!

UP CLOSE!

AND SHE'S SOOOOOOO PRETTY!

of course EVAN was hot as well.

and i got rooted to the spot when they boarded their bus because... well, the three of us almost got run over by it.

and we're ECSTATIC.

so, whe they were being guided down the steps and to the bus, the three of us joined the many other screaming and waving fans.

OMFG!

UP CLOSE!

*dies*

too bad gerty didn't take a picture. but we regard it as a for-our-eyes-only thing. it was the main event for me.

so they left the venue... in the purple bus that almost got us ran over. O_o

before we get to our destination though...

it kind of funny that everyone i knew there... pointed at me and asked why i was wearing RED.

what's wrong with red? it's pretty. lol.

first it was angel. ahhhh.... i missed that crazy girl soooo damn much. and i couldn't help but jump up and down we i saw her.

then there was edline. when i saw her, i begun to tear up again. i hugged her over and over. i was afraid that she'd vanish or something since i haven't seen her for a really long time.

and jhocel kept pointing at me! because i was wearing a red shirt.

and we went outside... coz the security people told us to.

i saw edcel unnie there... and like the others, she also commented on the red shirt. hahahaha.

so yeah... we went down to the grounds and that's where we almost got run over. oh, i don't care... it was isak's bus!

then we hailed a cab -- we hailed a lot of them at last, we actually got one -- and went to MoA.

we entered through starbucks but went straight out and into the mall proper since there weren't any sitting. and while we were by the concierge... i noticed something.

ISAK.

and EVAN.

SITTING BY STARBUCKS!

and so... another round of fangirling ensued. we went and got an autograph from isak... and took some pictures as well... but then since we -- and a lot of other fangirls -- started to crowd around their party, they left. T_T

and the three of us assumed their table.

my cousin sat on the chair isak sat on, while i sat on evan's. and we stayed there the whole time we were at MoA. not letting anyone else sit on those precious seats.

THIS IS THAT HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. NOTHING CAN MAKE IT GO BAD.

PICTURES!

the stage...

isak in the bus!

isak outside starbucks at moa

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fic situations.

2008-07-03T02:53:00.000-07:00

uh... i've been having fanfic writing dilemmas for a while now. i can't write continuously and i can't write certain characters. of course those characters cannot be omitted from the plot anymore... which is why it's a problem.

and i have decided to discontinue What His Heart Wishes. it's the shichul fic that i started to write after Untamed Passion. i don't believe in them anymore... that's my sole reason.

i have just update The Love Getaway, though, and His Soul in Mine last week. good luck to gerty for chapter 11... i know it's going to be tough for her, as well.

F.O.R.G.O.T.T.E.N.

2008-06-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

yay for first post.
i haven't posted in a blog since forever.
i am back... and i intend to keep this one.